Many of us have a story that loops in our head. This story, created long ago, has a narrator that says, “You’re not good enough.”
The story often gets created in childhood. An adult, parent, teacher, or neighbor makes a comment to us in childhood. Sometimes it’s only once; sometimes it’s throughout your childhood. As children, we don’t always have the capacity to understand the meaning or the intent of the comment. So we create our own interpretation. And so, the story begins…
The story that played in my head for the first forty years of my life was, “You are fat. You are stupid. You are ugly.” There were times it would quiet down, almost disappear. Until I made a mistake or forgot something. And then it would haunt me. It would play over and over. I built a life around it. I built a life of trying to be perfect. I felt that if I were perfect, no one would criticize me. I definitely paid the price.
Examining the Story
In therapy, I started to examine the story. I wanted to understand where it started. I grew up with an absent, critical father. I know he loved me, but there were repeated and inconsistent messages about my weight and my looks. I was either the fattest girl or the most beautiful girl ever. No in-between. As far as the stupid, let’s just say I was not a great student. I followed my sister in school. The teachers were always so excited that I was so and so’s sister. She was very smart – still is – and I wasn’t. I didn’t even want to try. I was interested in other things besides being a good student.
I learned that I created that story. Yes, me, and I believed in it and made sure it played out. Of course, it was all subconscious. And the good news is I could change it. It was not true, it was NEVER true! My new story is: “I am smart. I am beautiful. I am kind.”
Finding My Truth
This is my truth and I repeat it to myself most mornings.
So, what is the story in your head? Is it serving you? If not, trace it back to the first time you remember thinking it. Now comes the fun part: creating a brand new one. One that reflects the beautiful soul you are now.
Remember, it’s just a story. You created it. YOU can change it!