This Facebook post came up in my memory feed last month. It made me stop and reflect back on my cancer journey, and all the pain and joy – yes, joy – that went with it. For me, cancer was both the worst and best thing that ever happened to me.

The Diagnosis

It started with the diagnosis, that awful moment when my doctor said, “You have cancer.” Time stopped, the room was moving, and I was completely in shock. I looked at her completely dumbfounded. And then I looked at my husband, who dropped his head and sank in the chair and I muttered, “I have breast cancer.”

My husband and I were still in shock as we got to the car. I called my sister, who is a doctor. We were both surprisingly very calm. We talked thru my next steps: first was the surgeon appointment; she would go with me on the following Monday. Then, we talked about what time my family would arrive for a previously planned staycation. I needed them with me right now and I was not going to ruin our weekend with this awful news. So, my sister’s job was to start the phone tree. I just could not bring myself to say I have cancer to them. My only request was that no one could mention cancer during our time together.

The Prognosis

My sister and I met with the cancer surgeon. He was pleasant and open, saying, “Good news, it’s small and curable.” Just what you would want to hear. So, we scheduled my lumpectomy surgery, answered a ridiculous amount of questions, and went to lunch, hopeful that in a few weeks this would be behind us.

The Surgery

The days leading up to surgery, I kept myself busy with work. Fortunately for me, I only had to wait a few weeks between diagnosis and surgery. A few nights before surgery, my husband got tickets to KC and the Sunshine Band. I danced and laughed – and it kept my mind off what I was facing in a few days. (BTW, this was a true act of love because my husband hates disco music!)

The first surgery was successful. Unfortunately, as many cancer patients experience, there are setbacks. In fact, there were many of them for me. I needed more surgery, this time a mastectomy. Really? What happened to small and curable?

In total, I had seven surgeries in one year. It seemed like with every doctor appointment there was more bad news. The bottom of my hopeful world kept dropping out an inch at a time.

The doctors and staff where I was being treated were incredible; true human angels. However, their processes and the entire medical system were less than acceptable. In fact, they were horrible. There was a mix-up in my tumor results that I caught – thankfully! – and what ultimately helped me decide whether to undergo chemo or not. So glad I caught their error.

The Chemotherapy

The thought of chemotherapy was as scary as surgery to me – maybe more. I needed four treatments. The chemo nurses were amazing; they knew exactly what was going to happen and when. It’s like a fine-tuned science project. They told me my hair would fall out before the second chemo treatment. And they were right!

My girlfriend came over to shave my head once it started falling out. We cried together, and she told me not to look in the mirror until I was ready. It took me about five hours before I had the courage to look in the mirror. And courage is right. I sobbed when I saw myself. I looked old, green, and bald, and wondered where I went. Who was this person looking back at me? I didn’t recognize myself.  A lot of people say, “it’s only hair,” which is true, BUT when it’s your hair….

Finding Strength

I adjusted to being bald. Then I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes. That’s when I looked really sick, but somehow, I kept moving forward. I purchased several wigs, which I named Rebecca and Heidi.

Until one day, in the midst of my self-pity, I said to myself, “I am going to die one day and it WON’T be from breast cancer!” That changed everything.

Remember when I said that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me? Through cancer, I found an inner strength that I never knew I had. I finished my chemo, and I signed up for the Y-ME walk. Sixty-seven of my friends and family came to walk with me. We raised more than $10,000 for breast cancer. I beat it! The Y-ME walk was the end of my cancer journey. I did it. On my terms!

The picture of my brother Bob and me post was taken about a month after the walk. We were out to dinner for my mother’s birthday – and I am smiling! I found my way through my cancer journey. Success. It took all the courage I had. I know that all the love and support I received loved me back to life. Today, I make every day a blessing, because it truly is.

A Final Thought

This is my cancer journey, and everyone experiences cancer (and other scary life events) differently. I was fortunate to have a loving husband, family and friends who supported me, and the means to obtain the treatment I needed. Your journey will look entirely different and you will make the decisions that are best for you.

Whatever you decide, there are two things you should always remember: you are STRONGER than you think, and NEVER be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Be well.
Deb

If you’re ready to start your own journey, view the ways we can connect one-on-one or in a small, supportive group setting:

• Individual Coaching
• Pink Circles Women’s Group